Mid-Year Report

Babala: Ang sumusunod ay ine-mail lang sa akin.:)

Winners Losers: From Kris to Ruffa to Gretchen(
Desperate Housewives. Philippine Edition).
(Or are we reaping some sort of a negative karma to
deserve them?)

The month of June is a good time to review what
transpired for the first 6 months of 2007. For this
edition, Conventional Wisdom is focusing on
showbiz-related matters instead of the usual politics
(which in a way is also show, but for "ugly people").
Read on.

Kris Aquino--Loser. While she is the innocent one in
the whole James-Hope brouhaha, Conventional Wisdom
thinks that she could have handled the incident with
more dignity and privacy. One wonders why this drama
queen wants to inflict her day-to-day saga with the
whole planet. From exaggerating her
"life-threatening" pregnancy, to lambasting her
husband in public ("O magsalita ka? Totoo namang
pina-palayas na kita sa bahay a?"), to actually using
Ninoy to promote a cake in her latest commercial.
Kris' next endorsement should neither be beer nor
pastries but laundry detergent for her unquenchable
desire to always wash her very dirty underwear in
public.

James Yap--Loser. One word : cad. As one writer
succinctly said : "What do you expect from a
provincial boy who suddenly became famous and
wealthy?" The last time we witnessed a showbiz cad
was during Gabby Concepcion's time. James is now
second in our list. Conventional Wisdom is giving them
maximum of 3 years as a couple. Kris is starting to
look more and more mature and matronic. James is
still young. Give James sometime, and after
Hope--Faith and Charity will spring forth. Moral of
the story. Smoking is bad for marriage: Kris had
Philip, James had Hope. Conventional Wisdom can't
take any More of this!!!

Ruffa Gutierrez/Annabelle Rama: The mother and
daughter (MAD) team strikes again. From a filmfest
scam that made it to CNN, to Brunie-yuki scandal that
merited a senate hearing, and now, the falling out
with Ylmaz --which is desperately being peddled out as
Philippines vs. Turkey. Oppressor vs. Victim.

Ruffa Gutierrez--Loser. A desperate act from a
has-been, middle-aged B-actress who is trying to make
a come-back by capitalizing on whatever publicity that
can be squeezed out from this split. From
caterwauling one minute "Hindi ko na kaya Kuya Boy!",
to coyly saying the following week "Ligawan nya
(Ylmaz) ulit ako" to having her born again baptism
rites captured on cam and then heading off to Las
Vegas the following week to relax and do damage
control (about his marriage five years ago in Las
Vegas). Ruffa, you're act is getting stale. You
have become so predictable and boring.

Annabelle Rama. Winner. For always a character that
she is. For being consistent in her act and for
being our constant source of amusement. Conventional
Wisdom almost fell off its chair when this motor-mouth
fish-wife asked Dolly Ann to return the cosmetics she
gave her and then, proceeded on by actually naming two
unknown women on national television to pay their
debts to her since she now has to take care of Ruffa
and her grandchildren : "Hoy, so and so, magbayad na
kayo ng utang nyo sa akin dahil marami na akong
papalamunin ngayon" or something to that effect.
Panalo talaga si Bisaya. I strongly suggest to PGMA
that we give this woman a postion in the government,
preferably as Head of our National Defense. ASAP.

Dolly Ann Carvajal--Winner and Loser. A lot of
people don't like this woman. For one, she is not
pleasing to the eye. Her gay son looks a lot better
than she. And admit it or not, she became a writer
thru her connections mom and aunt. But being
objective about the whole thing, Conventional Wisdom
thinks that Dolly Ann is on the right this time. Why
can't the mother and daughter (MAD) tandem just answer
the questions posed by Dolly Ann? Why can't Annabelle
stick to the issues instead of pointing out something
we already know--how ugly Dolly Ann is.

What makes Dolly Ann a loser is her constant use of
her departed mom's legacy and memory whenever someone
would diss her out. Honey, stop hiding under the skirt
of your mom. You are not a sacred cow.

Pia Guanio--Loser. What a lousy lousy interviewer.
The depth of her talent as a host is as long as her
irritating mini skirts. Do us a favor Pia, ask
Bossing to marry you already and then fade into
oblivion.

Gretchen Baretto. Loser. One word : Wow. The
affectations of La Greta can only matched by her
delusions of grandeur. From the looks of it, she is
experiencing the early on-set of a mid-life crisis.
She has been picking fights left and right&with Lani
Mercado, and then with Dawn Zulueta. From her classic
statement about the looks of her own daughter :
"Naaawa nga ako dahil karamihan ng tao ang sabi kay
Dominique, kamukha sya ng tatay nya?". And now the
"friendly beso-beso" lip-lock with John Estrada.
Please explain to Conventional Wisdom - - "How can
this be a friendly kiss when you and John looked so
orgasmic in that shot? Gretchen is a classic example
of "langaw na nakatungtong sa kalabaw, pero feeling
mataas pa sa kalabaw." Someone should already tell
this woman to seek professional help. Sober up and
clean your act sister. You are no Paris Hilton. More
like Plaster of Paris Hilton.

Cesar Montano, Richard Gomez, Manny Pacquiao,
etc.--Losers. No further explanations needed.

Borgy Manotoc--Loser. Please. Please. From one
scandal to the next. From one basag-ulo to the next.
We have enough of you and your sap-sap mouth face.
Will someone already put this psycho behind bars?

Butch Francisco & Dolly Ann as writers--Losers.
Please don't waste precious newspaper space writing
about personal stories that nobody (repeat, nobody!)
finds interesting at all. From your maid's antics to
your experience as a judge of Slimmers World Mr. and
Ms. Ek ek, to a current love who inspires you.
Please! A tree gave up its life to have these
newspaper printed. Have I mentioned that nobody is
interested?

Belo's Billboards-- Loser. Hideous. Plain hideous.
Whoever is advising Vicky (I can't call her Doctora
Vicky because as Osang said, she was a mere aerobics
instructor before) to put out all those monstrosities
should be charged with Human Rights violations. From
the disturbing Chrismas billboard last December, to
Richard Gomez's billboard pre-campaign period, to
Ai-ai's scary shot. Conventional Wisdom would
rather stare at the billboards of Ellen's Beauty Salon
(with Ellen as the model herself) than see these Belo
ads.

Nora Aunor--Loser. To be a has-been superstar drug
dependent in your fifties is bad enough. To be caught
doing drugs in another country is worse. To be
found-out to have married another woman many years ago
for a US green-card is worst. Ate Guy is a classic
example of a person blessed with so much talent and
opportunity gone to waste.

Regine Velasquez Ogie Alcasid--Losers. Regine is what
...nearing 40? As someone said "from her demeanor to
her utterance, Regine is trying very very very hard to
hold on to youth." And if I may add, failing
miserably. This home-wrecker who speaks with an
American sleng-sleng should act her age. Seeing her
kilig-reaction about the admission of Ogie made me
lose my appetite for dinner. Conventional Wisdom is
really worried that anytime soon, Regine's face and
body will collapse. From her hair extension, her fake
long eyelashes, her fake nose, her man-made eye slits,
her tooth-caps with gums, and her Gluthathioned skin,
her fake boobs. Last we heard, her movie with Piolo
flopped big time. Nobody wants to see a May December
love story anymore. Or more correctly, a May 1960
December 2007 love affair story anymore.

These are the people that are giving Conventional
Wisdom constant migraines the past months. If this
trend continues until December, aneurysm can't be far
behind. Pass this on until it reaches the following:
Ylmaz Bektas, Mother-in-law of Gretchen., Hope, Vic
Sotto, PGMA, Michelle Van Something, Letty Magsanoc,
and Gov. Vi.